Restless

I'm restless for countless reasons.

I've been in England for far too long. I've been away for far too long now. Well, it only has been 5 months but I feel like I'm still allowed to complain. I am usually not the whiny type. This feeling of restlessness, it's getting to me. It's like the only cure to it, is by taking the next 13-hour flight back to Malaysia. It's the only way.

England has become boring and predictable. If it's too good to be true, then it definitely is. Good, sunny weathers don't last. English weathers totally revolutionised the definition of summer. The new-age summer means that at least 50% of the day, 50% of the skies would be covered by gloomy clouds, waiting to rain on you. And english rains are toxic. You heard me. The air in Malaysia may be polluted, but when it rains, you could film an amateur love movie playing under the rain, because it'll never give you a headache. You could catch a cold if you stay under the rain long enough. Being the drama queen that I am, I must stress that the next statement has no element of exaggeration at all. Zilch. When the raindrops start to fall and land on my head, within the next 5 seconds I am guaranteed a throbbing agonising headache. Even a hot shower won't make it go away. I need to call in the painkillers everytime. What is it in the rain that makes it so toxic, it's giving everyone headaches?

The next legit reason for why I'm restless: There's an 8 day gap between my 5th and last paper. Initially, this meant an extra time to work on the paper, in hopes for it to bring up my average marks. After having 5 papers, (split into 3 and 2 back-to-backs) I am mentally exhausted. Exhausted doesn't even begin to cover it. It's inexcusable that english universities just fuck up your exam timetables when your whole future is involved. I have friends with 4 and 5 back-to-backs. Personally, 3 was my cut off point. This calls for a reform. Then again, with their poor financial management skills, they take pleasure in failing students (Especially international students) because this translates to higher income flow from exam resits. As if it wasn't bad enough that our fees are three times what the locals pay. Their budget deficits makes you say-wtf, how could a top university be in such large deficits. Sure, carry on with your experimental researches. I feel like I could benefit so much after hearing that "The success of football clubs could be down to the colour of their shirt, according to new research". Or how "Suitors can tell a young person’s attitude to sexual relationships by their face, new research suggests." I wonder whatever happened to common sense. Maybe this is how they say "I told you so, in your face".

Instead of reading about how the US' role in Pacific Asia declined after the Cold War, I decided to procrastinate my heart out. Maybe I'll be more productive tomorrow. Who knows. After all, I do work better under pressure. Then again, when its too much, I stop to care. And the fear of it being the latter does not even bother me one bit.

I have been here for too long. It's time to go home. It's time to leave England.

My Sweet Tooth

If you put 3 teaspoonful of sugar in your hot chocolate, raise your hand.

If you put 4 teaspoons in a small cup of tea, say aye.

If you need to put more sugar to a tea made for you, which by anyone's standard is beyond sweet, stand up .

If you put at least 6 teaspoons of sugar in a mug of tea, then I'll be so glad to know I'm not alone.

I have such a sweet tooth! Sometimes I worry that I'll get diabetes. No, its not like catching a cold I know, but at the rate I'm going, God knows. I need help. I need sugar in almost everything I do. Nobody puts sugar in hot chocolate - I know right?

Whenever anyone makes a drink for me, it's never right. It's always lacking sugar. For me, I will always need to add more and more sugar.

Well I've never actually tried to make the medicine go down by taking a spoonful of sugar, raw, but dear god.

And no, I don't get sugar high, not at all. I just get very pissed if my drink or dessert is not sweet enough. It's not worth it at all. I might as well not eat it. Carpe diem right? Seize the day. If you want to drink that hot chocolate, make sure you'll be satiated in the end.

I've always thought it would be better to die young (so Marilyn Monroe, I know!) and looking gorgeous, rather than old and miserable and ugly. To be fair, if you're the first to go among your friends and family, they will miss you and miss you for a long time. And they wonder why you had to go first when it could have been them. And people would be saying you have to let go and all. (I hope) (Nobody gets to lecture to me about Aristotle's eudaimonia concept - I'm dropping Philosophy!) But is it better to die young looking pretty or die old and lonely and ugly? In my defence, women have a longer lifespan than men, in general. Men's brain also tend to shrink faster than women. I didn't make this up, it's from scientific research I read. Yes, I read a lot! But that's not my point. All this death talk is devastating, but it does make me wonder at times. Most married women with great health are highly likely to end up alone. Somehow the husband will always die first.

But if the wife dies first, then I'm sure, I'll shave my head if I'm wrong, their husbands would gladly remarry. And gladly reproduce. (Excluding Azman of course!) Of course the very few ones become celibates and worship their dead wife by looking at their pictures everyday to keep their memories alive. They surely still exist. Such loyalty, is so rare in this world today. In the brink of extinction, I'd say.

That's besides the point. Considering the fact that it's close to bedtime, I stray away from the topic like its the most natural thing to do. Anyways, I've tried Pal-Sweet or Equal, anything that says 1/8 of the calorie as compared to sugar or whatsoever crap, but it didn't work. It's not as sweet, and it tastes terribly artificial. I need real, granulated sugar. And seriously, how could people drink their tea without sugar at all? I tried, but I can't. Yes Cheng, I admire you for doing it =)

I think I need help. But its ok, I think I drink enough water to detoxify myself. Would that actually help? Hmmmmm....

Damn the exams. If it weren't for the exam season I'd be eating a 10" peperoni pizza and having movie night with my girlfriends. I'm going shopping after my International Relations paper. And no one can stop me.