Let's Accelerate Global Warming!

It's geting to end of May isn't it? One would think it should be at least warm by now. What is wrong with the English weather? So much for global warming. Spring is definitely not in the air. It STILL feels like winter here. It's sunny up north, and south (like duh), but it's still screwed up here. It was literally freezing this morning! Why?

I don't care what people will say, I'm going to help accelerate global warming when I get back home. This is so, that when I come back in Autumn 2007, it should be warm. But one can only hope, don't you think?

So whenever I feel hot, I will switch on the air-cond. I will use it without switching it off. If there are still CFC sprays in my house I will use it. Hairsprays will do good.

It is seriously unfair that it's freaking hot in Malaysia, (its like staying in a furnace) yet global warming seem to not be producing any effects here. What the hell?

Gah, anyways, I had my Ideas and Ideologies Politics paper earlier today. It was raining on my way there, and back. And it takes me 30 minutes to get there. Sat for my paper all wet and cold, and went back in the sad drizzle. Without any umbrella or hoodie head cover. But at least I got the paper done and over with. One more on Thursday afternoon, and the hardest of all, International Relations. I know, it sounds so posh right? But trust me, this is one module you do not want to take up. I've got to get back to foreign policies so I'll blog again after the exams. 2 more days till exam ends. Can't wait!

My Sweet Tooth

If you put 3 teaspoonful of sugar in your hot chocolate, raise your hand.

If you put 4 teaspoons in a small cup of tea, say aye.

If you need to put more sugar to a tea made for you, which by anyone's standard is beyond sweet, stand up .

If you put at least 6 teaspoons of sugar in a mug of tea, then I'll be so glad to know I'm not alone.

I have such a sweet tooth! Sometimes I worry that I'll get diabetes. No, its not like catching a cold I know, but at the rate I'm going, God knows. I need help. I need sugar in almost everything I do. Nobody puts sugar in hot chocolate - I know right?

Whenever anyone makes a drink for me, it's never right. It's always lacking sugar. For me, I will always need to add more and more sugar.

Well I've never actually tried to make the medicine go down by taking a spoonful of sugar, raw, but dear god.

And no, I don't get sugar high, not at all. I just get very pissed if my drink or dessert is not sweet enough. It's not worth it at all. I might as well not eat it. Carpe diem right? Seize the day. If you want to drink that hot chocolate, make sure you'll be satiated in the end.

I've always thought it would be better to die young (so Marilyn Monroe, I know!) and looking gorgeous, rather than old and miserable and ugly. To be fair, if you're the first to go among your friends and family, they will miss you and miss you for a long time. And they wonder why you had to go first when it could have been them. And people would be saying you have to let go and all. (I hope) (Nobody gets to lecture to me about Aristotle's eudaimonia concept - I'm dropping Philosophy!) But is it better to die young looking pretty or die old and lonely and ugly? In my defence, women have a longer lifespan than men, in general. Men's brain also tend to shrink faster than women. I didn't make this up, it's from scientific research I read. Yes, I read a lot! But that's not my point. All this death talk is devastating, but it does make me wonder at times. Most married women with great health are highly likely to end up alone. Somehow the husband will always die first.

But if the wife dies first, then I'm sure, I'll shave my head if I'm wrong, their husbands would gladly remarry. And gladly reproduce. (Excluding Azman of course!) Of course the very few ones become celibates and worship their dead wife by looking at their pictures everyday to keep their memories alive. They surely still exist. Such loyalty, is so rare in this world today. In the brink of extinction, I'd say.

That's besides the point. Considering the fact that it's close to bedtime, I stray away from the topic like its the most natural thing to do. Anyways, I've tried Pal-Sweet or Equal, anything that says 1/8 of the calorie as compared to sugar or whatsoever crap, but it didn't work. It's not as sweet, and it tastes terribly artificial. I need real, granulated sugar. And seriously, how could people drink their tea without sugar at all? I tried, but I can't. Yes Cheng, I admire you for doing it =)

I think I need help. But its ok, I think I drink enough water to detoxify myself. Would that actually help? Hmmmmm....

Damn the exams. If it weren't for the exam season I'd be eating a 10" peperoni pizza and having movie night with my girlfriends. I'm going shopping after my International Relations paper. And no one can stop me.

Monetarist Materialist

Oh dear god.

I've been broke for far too long. It feels like it's been over a year (you think I'm exaggerating but you can't even come close to what I feel) It's been a month since I last waited for my claim and it still hasn't been cleared. Entering week 5 now.

I have lost hope in money itself. I know it can buy me so many pretty things. I know it's my retail theraphy. When I'm depressed, I go shopping. That's the only way to prevent me from snapping at everyone for no reason (oh believe me, I will find a reason). Comfort food doesn't cut it for me anymore. Not that I'm getting fatter. Mind you I've been maintaining my weight and succeeded, despite my massive cheese intake from the salad bar at lunchtime. But that's not the point. The fact is that, I'm in great shape (well maybe not the greatest). I can wear sundresses, even those clingy ones and look fab-you-less (fabulous). But I'm beyond broke. Who needs money when you're fat? It makes you sad cos you used to be a size 2 but hell, not anymore.

I tend to babble a lot. My sayang understands. Anyhoo my main issue here, is that I've been broke for far too long! This does not reflect my inability to manage my finances. Hell I'm an Economics student, what do you expect? I'm not in debt, I haven't used my credit card, I've never used the bank's overdraft facility, cos seriously, who would have thought that I, of all people have learnt to be frugal with money, here? In UK! Trust me everyone back home thought it was a miracle. I used to be able to wipe out my bank balances from a 4-figure to zero! De nada! Not that I'm a rah, or not that I'm daddy's girl. I'm not rich at all. But it doesn't mean I don't know my limits. I do. Right now I'm waiting for my claim which by now I have zero faith of making it to my bank account. Really. Oh, at least I don't make Prada tops look like RM10 pasar malam item. It's just too bad you can't pull it off sweetie. I can be your full-time fashion consultant but if you don't have it, then you just don't! Period.

So earlier today I had my Elements of Economics paper. My first time sitting for a paper totally unprepared, I know, What was I thinking right? But I managed to pull through with my A-Levels knowledge. It will be fine.

Still. This is the umpteenth time of me whining when my money is ever coming???? I'm really getting pissed off. When I'm getting that money, I'm rewarding myself for the neverending patience.

Since I'm dying of boredom, I'm going to make a checklist of desires, and in one month I'll come back and see if I've actually bought any of these things. Because like I said, I'm losing faith in money. How bad do things have to be for someone to lose that much faith right? I know right? Fully. (Oh dear god, do I sound blonde?)

So anyhoo,

1. LG Prada - because I'm posh and I can make it look like a million dollars in my hands
2. Dior Shades - You don't want premature wrinkles, especially when your boyfriend is 18 months younger than you (ok baby, I'll let you get this one cos I know you love me to death)
3. YSL Cigarettes - this I can only get in Doha International Airport. Countdown - 35 days to transit flight back home. Designer cigarettes make smoking the 'in' thing, but seriously my sister is such a good girl to listen to me. Do not smoke. Well to be fair I started when I was 19. And I've quit. (With the exceptional of posh designer ciggies)
4. BCBG Maxazria Sundresses - cos I so need to wear them. They're oh-so-cheap in the States. Laura please take me there! Of course I need a visa first. Gah.
5. Hypnose Lancome - what else can I say?
6. Parker Special Edition fountain pen - so I can engrave AmnieAzman
7. River Island Dark Blue Jeans
8. Babyliss Hairdryer

This is going to sound ironic, but seriously, I'm not high maintenance. Not at all.

And I'm not materialistic. I'm a materialist. I believe in the existence of material things. Wow, I've found a new ideology for myself.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, AmnieAzman - the MONETARIST MATERIALIST.

Omg! What did Philosophy and Economics do to me? But you gotta admit, the Monetarist Materialist sounds better than Berkeley's Immaterialist Idealist.

Everybody should do PPE for their first year degree. It's so fun! What other combinations are cooler than Philosophy, Politics and Economics? I know right?

OMG I have got to stop typing my thoughts out loud.

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary to you my sayang Azman boo boo! AmnieAzman is 17 months old now. Yet it still seems as if we just got to know each other yesterday. Words can't even begin to describe how much I love you. And I always will, till the end of time. You've showed me so much, and taught me so much more, more than I could ever learn on my own. I could never have done it without you. Thank you for always being there when mt spirits rise to the sky, and when I hit rock bottom. Your never ending support has always made me take that one extra step. It was always you I was looking for. It always had been you. I knew the moment we vowed to spend our lives together, I knew for sure, that it was you.

Happy Anniversary. It's such a pity we couldn't be physically together, but deep down we both know that this distance and time difference would only make us stronger. We will come out of this solid as a rock, and stronger than ever, because we both believe in us. And that's all we need. We just need each other to get through this. I will always be there for you, just like how you're always there for me. I promise =)

AmnieAdoraAzman

HeartLoveDesire

19 December 2005

Insomnia is like this, Life is like that

It's 2.30 am and I can't sleep. There's a lot going through my mind. It could be, that at this wee hours of the morning is when sometimes I get the most random thoughts. Inspirational or total crap, it really is a wide range. Truth is, I have insomnia, and it sucks big time. You get restless when you can't sleep. Which is why I would get really ticked off when I'm just about to fall asleep and someone wakes me up.

I'm really missing my Azman Sayang. I just spoke to him 6 hours ago, but I really do miss him. I just saw him last Easter break, just last month, but it seems like it was ages ago. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain. I gave my ultimate respect to my cousin who did it for 6 long years. And now they're married with a baby girl. And she's very much like me. People tend to think, when you're in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR), you tend to let loose. You do not need to know so much of what your partner's doing. Wrong. You just do your own stuffs as long as you don't hurt your partner. Wrong. You set a specific time for all that 7 days in a week for essential communication and abide by it. Wrong. You set out dos and don'ts for each other while you're away and follow them. Wrong. So wrong.

My LDR, is nothing like that. My LDR is special, more special than anyone else's. The distance kills. So does the time difference. Sometimes I always go against the way things are supposed to be, and you, my sayang will always tell me to work with things instead. It's true though, it is so much easier to work with things when you're going with the flow, rather then against it. And you've always been there for me. I can't start listing all the things you've done for me, I really can't. The list would never end, and tears will start trickling down in no time. Yes, call me emo or jiwang, I can get sappy. I'm human. I'm not that cold-hearted bitch who doesn't appreciate her boyfriend and his efforts. I'm not that cheap skank who goes around getting physical with other guys when I can only do it with you baby, and so much more comfortably. I'm not that sadist who goes out drinking and clubbing drowning my sorrows away when we fight. I am me, and that's the person you fell in love with. I'm conventional in many ways and you know that. I love you more than words can say.

Right now its creeping to 3 am. God, time really is passing slowly. I have my Philosophy notes staring at me, but my brain is too exhausted to work. Yet somehow there's this urge to blog. In my background I have my iPod on speakers, on a very considerable volume, playing songs from my 90's playlist. Oh how I miss good music.

Which brings me to something else that's even more random. The only 3 things I like about the Brits:

1. Muse
2. English muffins
3. British spelling (I prefer colour to color)

So this is the part where my random thoughts come out.

• My first paper starts on Monday. Not going to whine about anything on that area.
• Lake District is intriguing. I must see what the fuss is all about.
• I have this weird desire to go to Prague, but get this, only because it sounds so Vogue.
• Philosophy is an amazing subject to learn, but impossible to score.
• I have such a sweet tooth and I can't stop eating all sorts of sweets. But I really don't want to be diabetic.
• My dining hall's first dessert was strawberries and cream. I wonder why they stopped serving it.
• If the whites feel so superior about themselves, then why work so hard to get a tan? To change who you really are?
• Cheese does not have any place in the music industry today.
• I'm 1/16th British. Haha it is true. But I was never really proud of it. I don't see what the big deal is about.
• My so called 'American accent' is making the Brits turn their heads when they hear me talk.
• Which by the way, my American friend can verify that my accent is not American
• The Brits think that, if you're not speaking their English accent, then it must be the American accent. Or you're a Chinese trying hard to speak English
• I'm not kidding, this is really what most of them think
• And they think Malaysia is in Middle East
• Generally, I'm feeling really restless cos I haven't been shopping/spending for a long long time.
• And the next 3 weeks won't make things better.
• I miss eating my meals in KTJ's dining hall, when I sit facing baby Azman boo boo and watch him cut my lamb or steak for me
• The girls here are so jealous of my natural tan
• I'll tell you why, its cos I'm a Malay.
• More precisely, I'm actually Malay-Chinese-Siamese-Javanese-British.
• I love speaking Spanish to Yan Azman
• But he loves telling me he loves me in Dutch
• Everybody has their buttons. Find it and push it. Score.
• Hollywood is a big fat lie. The Hollywood movies are your typical fantasies. They will NEVER happen in real life.
• I have this weird desire to wear a white cotton baju kurung
• I miss seeing Azman waiting for me in the common room waiting for me after classes.
• I miss our study sessions baby
• Pancakes of Love.
• Designers seem to be inspired by pregnant women, and wait for it, the garbage bins. What's with all the silly clothes in the so called new line of thrashy clothes?
• My College Execs are so up their own asses. They think they're all that, but it's only cos we voted for them. Becos the last time everyone checked, they were ass-kissers. Normal right?
• I haven't gotten the chance to wear my sundresses.
• I'm wondering where the sun is.
• It still feels like winter
• English weather is crap
• I still like Britney Spears' music over any other sort.
• I'm not a rock chick, I'm a pop princess.
• I wonder what it'll be like to get your lips done. Is it the same silicone for the chest area?
• I may need a nose job. I blame it on my dad.
• Musical Lover I am. Phantom of the Opera, after my exams.

I should try and get back to sleep. But baby I miss you so much! =(

Apologies for any spelling/typo errors. It;s 3.27 am!

Things I Enjoy

This is very typical of me. As the exams get closer, I get lazier. God it's only next week! I don't even have the strength to sit at my table and study anymore because I simply don't want to. Last night, I went to watch Spiderman 3 with Aimee at our very own local Gala Theatre, Durham. Costed me only 3.25 quid. Not bad right? To be honest I expected better, but not that the show was all bad. It was too catchy, especially the part where Spiderman was running to save the world and accompanying him in the background, the American flag. And of course, Tobey Macguire gained some weight, so now you have the chubby Spiderman.

That should have been a good de-stress session right? But no, I tried studying after the movie, and ended up watching Desperate Housewives. Procrastination has become too much a part of me, I don't know what to do anymore. I just finished watching the latest show of Heroes with their typical cliffhanger ending.

Apart from wasting time watching online shows, I try to find myself better things to do, which would supposedly, make me a better person, perhaps? Maybe later. Right now, since I'm so bored, I'll just make a list of things I enjoy. In random order.

1. Talking to my darling Azman on the phone all day long
2. Included are msn and skype as well
3. Dinners when they served salmon
4. Watching my friends getting fat and ballooning up
5. Giving random miss calls to my sayang Azman
6. The whites who dress terribly, worse than any Malaysian ah-lians and ah-bengs, and rempits even
7. Wasting time with my laptop
8. Marks and Spencer chocolate teacakes
9. reading Eve, May edition
10. Checking my bank's online balance, hoping that one day Petronas will bank in my money
11. Randomly playing sentimental songs
12. Lunch and tuna salad
13. Rearranging things on my study table
14. Castle Great Hall's Formal
15. Not exercising, and not ballooning up at the same time (regardless the amount of my cheese intake at every meal time)
16. Laughing at snobs who think they're all that (at least my skin is freckle-free, and no, freckles do not make you look cuter)
17. Secretly condeming Asians conversing in that obvious indubitable fake British accent
18. Picking up the flaws of the Brits who discriminate against me and rub it in their faces. Hard.
19. Looking at idiots spend in Jack Wills
20. Blasting my funky speakers out loud together with my iPod. iLoveit!

And the ultimate one which I know I will enjoy is this; When I rub it really hard in the faces of the people who never thought Azman and I could ever make it. Not even for a month. It's been 16 months now and we're still standing strong as ever. Despite the long distance the passion never runs out.

So for the moment, it doesn't take a genius to see that I'm really really out of my mind bored. I wanna talk to Azman but he's catching up on his sleep. I really do miss him.

And one thing that I've observed, is the fact that I am still not free.

Not free to the extent that in order to get the highest grade for your degree, it all goes back to being smart when it comes to choosing your modules. Pick the posh, prestigious modules, and you'll end up suffering, cracking your brains trying to score, even if it's your most favourite module in the whole world. But pick a module where you have the advantage of some background knowledge, and score!

This isn't a very mesmerizing blog entry, I know. Prolly too controversial and too tilted towards the nonsense section. It's one thing to want to blog out your thoughts, and it's another when people attack your stand by provoking you. Know this, it is amazingly easy to critique. Try writing a controversial issue and see how you fend for yourself when the critics come pouncing on you. It ain't easy.

For all that's worth, I shall stop now. It's time I get back to reading Nietzsche's works. Definitely one of the things I do not enjoy.

Say What?

What is so sexy about guys with British accent? Seriously? NOTHING.

Shouting and singing out loud in 3 am is not sexy at all. No matter what accent it is. If anything, it is plain annoying, inconsiderate, a selfish act, self-centeredness certified and needless to say, the list goes on. If you consume far too much alcohol then seriously, just go to bed. It's really not nice to stay outside in the courtyard making so much noise. Did your parents not teach you anything?

According to a very trustable source ( obviously not me ), English guys are so boring. They're even bad kissers actually. "Boring kissers", I quote. When they talk, you fight to stay awake. That's how boring they are. They're so boring that they have to consume so much alcohol just to be interesting and friendly. For that one short-lived moment. And they think they're all so superior just because we don't speak the 'English' english. So? Sue me.

This goes out to all the males (deteriorated brain function) and jocks (brain malfunction) who have been singing and making noise in the courtyard all this time, shut the fuck up. You do not want to mess with me.

Especially during the exam season.

Exam Season

OMG.

It's been ages since I last blogged. I know. And I actually don't have an excuse this time.

The exam season is back. Everyone is hiding in their rooms behind their thick books. Well to be fair, I'm one of them. Sometimes I hate the fact that my degree is so demanding. I mean seriously, who sleeps only 8 hours a day and spend the rest of the hours reading? Most people don't even know how cohesive my degree is. Or what it stand for. Someone I knew thought PPE was Petroleum Engineering. Roight.

Some study a few hours a day. Some, uncountable. And the very very few minors; none. Almost everybody know I'm always in my room. Very few, however, know that I actually spend my time watching shows on YouTube or DailyMotion, because the idea of revising ticks me off. Its not that I need a reality check. I'm sick of studying because I've been doing that for the past 16 years, and I don't have the energy to go on anymore. But I know, I'm not ready to work yet, because I do not want to pay for taxes! Studying is often tiring, exhausting, and makes you hungry! Yes it does.

One of the reasons why I don't blog so often anymore, and this is for real: Tasha blogs out my thoughts. Seriously. Ideas I have that linger around my mind are either published, or will come out in her next entry. I know, great minds think alike.

And then there's her entry about wearing baju kurung. The last time I was back in Malaysia and went shopping, I was out shopping for cloth to drape my book racks. While browsing I came across the softest, most luxurious cotton ever! It was white, and oh-so-pure! And I know when I come back this summer I'm definitely going to get 4 metres of it and turn it into a classic baju-kurung. I will. Watch me. Alas, this year we can't celebrate Hari Raya in Malaysia ( that's kinda expected ) but I'm going to make more baju kurungs then ever! This is a healthy obsession- not that I'm becoming a traditionalist nor a purist, but fact is, I love being me, and I love my very own culture! So we Malays aren't all thumbs-up. But who cares? It's true though, "takkan Melayu hilang di dunia". Oh don't get me started on what we Malays are, and what we're not. I'm not 100% Malay, but I was brought up in that society. Tasha, we were all once snobs. It's good that we've come to the realization stage, and surprisingly we're actually becoming bigger people.

This is quite worrying because normally I'm in such a bitchy mood I can bitch about literally everything. I'm actually becoming a bigger person. I'm all so positive and beaming with hope.

I think I know why. I've been doing Maths for the last 2 days. Objectivity now makes me happier than anything else. I love knowing the fact that I'm right. Because I don't have to argue my case and justify every single damn belief I choose to hold on to. Because for the moment, I'm sick of Philosophy and Politics. Listening to music on my iTunes while revising my mathematical economic module and eating Marks and Spencer teacakes at the same time is giving me so much peace of mind. Forget about Ethics, forget about the United Nations. It's just me and my maths.

Which is really funny because I used to hate Maths so much.