Still jet lagged

Why am I still jetlagged? I know it takes time but it's been 2 weeks! I'm falling asleep 9am every morning, and waking up at 3pm daily. Frankly, it's making me sick. I get so restless and anxious, and not to mention getting hungry at 4 in the morning but too lazy to move to find food.

At the risk of sounding like every typical Malaysian student who just came back from studying overseas, the weather is indeed unbearably hot. I do feel guilty using air conditioning most of the time, but I just can't help it. I try to cut back wherever I can. Hell I'm doing so much for the environment. Thanks to global warming, everything is chaotic now. I even recycle everything that is recyclable. So excuse me if I choose to be a cheapskate and refuse to pay to offset my carbon emission/ carbon footsteps. I take the train a lot, carpool, and fly economy class on planes (which is no fun, believe me) I feel that I shouldn't be punished just because the idiots out there decided not to carpool, or arrogant bastards who fly their private jets to Rome just for dinner. Why should I pay? The whole idea is a joke. Just like how Fairtrade is such a big joke.

Being back home is nice. There's no place like it. I thought I had so many things to do, but I can't seem to remember what they were. I can't seem to think straight right now so I should go back to watching shows.

Home Smells Like This...

I'm finally back home, which is about the right time because my feet need to rest from all the walking. Despite having arrived exactly 8 days ago, my jetlag is still taunting me like a bitch. I'm still falling asleep only after 7am, and it sucks sleeping in broad daylight. Most of the time I'm awake I'm restless.

I have got to get rid of this jet lag.

Pre-Eurotrip

Who knew my life would be so hectic after exams? And I thought I could just spend a few days just resting and chilling out with my girlfriends. I'm now in London, specifically Wawa's place, waiting for the final episode of Lost to load.

So basically, this is where I'll be from 31st May to 12th June

Durham - London - Vienna - Prague - Notts - Durham - London - Lille - Egham - Malaysia!!

On another point, every muscle in my body is aching. Literally every muscle. I went to DAMS' futsal social yesterday and I forgot to warm up. Silly duck. Now even when I laugh my lower abdomen hurts =(

All the muscle pain in the world, in addition to the fact that on Thursday night in Klute this skanky blonde English girl stepped on my right foot with her cheap heels. It hurts even when I wear flip flops. OUCH! And she didn't even have the courtesy to apologize. So I shoved her with my elbow. I think she spilled her drink, but screw it, you can always buy more drinks. What about my right foot??

Errands!

I sat for my final paper this morning: Politics of Pcific Asia. I have to say I had a good time comparing Asian and Western values and heavily criticising the latter. It was also fun to brag about Southeast Asia, naturally.

I'm officially done with second year. Have I been in England that long? Apparently so. Although I must say it seems as if yesterday I was a Fresher. I'm enjoying my last few bits of being a Liver's-Out. And soon enough I'll be a Finalist. Hold that thought, it sounds scary. Moving on...

I'm just really glad I've finished all 6 papers in 3 weeks, without any difficulties along the way. It's weird though that I'm not feeling all that liberated and relieved. It's like I'm not entirely happy about the current state. Very very weird indeed. But maybe it takes a while for the joyous feeling to kick in. After all, I wasn't acting like a star student all year round, more like the 'slack' student who proscrastinates all the time. But now that I'm done, I still have a lot of errands to run.

Library books need to be returned. They are way overdued. I need to finalise my Prague and Vienna trip. I need to start packing my things. I need to get empty boxes, first. Then plan for my Lille trip. Need to submit the early registrationg forms and the dissertation form. But before that, must pick a dissertation topic first.

And I've no clue at the moment.

I'm gonna go and waste time by watching shows. Also I'm very delighted that my DAMS stash jus arrived! Although I should have a picked a size smaller for my pink polo. But I'm still proud of my work. No other Malaysian society in the whole of UK has their stash personalised the way I did them. The polo shirts are so cute and funky I swear! I'm really proud as to how much DAMS has progressed.

P/S: DAMS is my little precious I co-created with Aimee. We are the proud founders of Durham University's Malaysian Society. We decided to start the society in our first year and it's duly ratified. Although I must point out that in 2006 the number of Malaysians in Durham could be counted by just one hand. I then took it a step further and call ourselves Durham Association of Malaysian Students (DAMS). I can't stop smiling =)

Restless

I'm restless for countless reasons.

I've been in England for far too long. I've been away for far too long now. Well, it only has been 5 months but I feel like I'm still allowed to complain. I am usually not the whiny type. This feeling of restlessness, it's getting to me. It's like the only cure to it, is by taking the next 13-hour flight back to Malaysia. It's the only way.

England has become boring and predictable. If it's too good to be true, then it definitely is. Good, sunny weathers don't last. English weathers totally revolutionised the definition of summer. The new-age summer means that at least 50% of the day, 50% of the skies would be covered by gloomy clouds, waiting to rain on you. And english rains are toxic. You heard me. The air in Malaysia may be polluted, but when it rains, you could film an amateur love movie playing under the rain, because it'll never give you a headache. You could catch a cold if you stay under the rain long enough. Being the drama queen that I am, I must stress that the next statement has no element of exaggeration at all. Zilch. When the raindrops start to fall and land on my head, within the next 5 seconds I am guaranteed a throbbing agonising headache. Even a hot shower won't make it go away. I need to call in the painkillers everytime. What is it in the rain that makes it so toxic, it's giving everyone headaches?

The next legit reason for why I'm restless: There's an 8 day gap between my 5th and last paper. Initially, this meant an extra time to work on the paper, in hopes for it to bring up my average marks. After having 5 papers, (split into 3 and 2 back-to-backs) I am mentally exhausted. Exhausted doesn't even begin to cover it. It's inexcusable that english universities just fuck up your exam timetables when your whole future is involved. I have friends with 4 and 5 back-to-backs. Personally, 3 was my cut off point. This calls for a reform. Then again, with their poor financial management skills, they take pleasure in failing students (Especially international students) because this translates to higher income flow from exam resits. As if it wasn't bad enough that our fees are three times what the locals pay. Their budget deficits makes you say-wtf, how could a top university be in such large deficits. Sure, carry on with your experimental researches. I feel like I could benefit so much after hearing that "The success of football clubs could be down to the colour of their shirt, according to new research". Or how "Suitors can tell a young person’s attitude to sexual relationships by their face, new research suggests." I wonder whatever happened to common sense. Maybe this is how they say "I told you so, in your face".

Instead of reading about how the US' role in Pacific Asia declined after the Cold War, I decided to procrastinate my heart out. Maybe I'll be more productive tomorrow. Who knows. After all, I do work better under pressure. Then again, when its too much, I stop to care. And the fear of it being the latter does not even bother me one bit.

I have been here for too long. It's time to go home. It's time to leave England.

My Second Year

It's been ages since my last post. Indeed ages is an understatement. My last post was from summer 2007, and who knew time could pass by so quickly. I've come to an end of my second year. God, it's been quick. And now, because the books were boring me out of my mind, I decided to spend some time to write up some nonsense.

I have a summative project due 2nd May. It counts for 40% of my module and I still haven't started. Mostly because I've no clue as how to start, yet. And this module, is called econometrics - the most hated module for all second year economists.

The good news is, in less than 60 days I'll be home free! Home Sweet Home. Home, where my heart truly belongs. I realised that ever since I came to England, I've never stayed for more than 3 consecutive months without going back. This year I tried not to burn such a big hole in my pocket, hence the decision to stay back for Easter break. Bits of travelling here and there, but nothing beats being home. If only I had more money just to buy that return easter ticket, I wouldn't be here skyping everyday with my sayang and doing some stupid countdown waiting for my homecoming in June. I just celebrate my 28month-anniversary yesterday, and it's no fun doing it online. Damn the long distance and time difference.

The bad news - before June, comes May - the absolute student torment month - the judgement month. God I'm so stressed just thinking about it. My books are still waiting to be read, considering the speck of dust they've been collecting. Life is no fun when you have books waiting to be read. Revison's a fun sucker, it's always been.

I feel like I should go back to my revision or start on my project, but as always, I choose to procrastinate, with online tv shows. It's officially my last day of spring break and I fully deserve to enjoy it on every level. And if that means to not touch the books, so be it.

Slipped disc =(

I thought to myself, it was about time for me to get these back pains checked out. And so it was. When I was in KTJ Lower 6, my matron took me to see a specialist in Seremban. I took an X-ray and he prescribed me strong medications. Tramadol was so strong that I couldn't stop vommitting on the day of my Cambridge Interview. How humiliating, but the past's the past. I have moved on.

Last week I made an appointment with a specialist in a certain specific hospital in my area and the doctor told me it was just my bad posture giving me pains as a result of muscle inflammation. I was relieved. No cause for concern right? Then there was more. The MRI scan to confirm that everything was actually alright. Too bad it wasn't all sunshine for me. The scan revealed a central disc herniation ( I'm not a med student so forgive me for the technicalities ) In other words, a slipped disc. Round my L4/L5 area? Yeah somewhere there. But I want to get a second opinion. I want to see a chiropractor. But I don't have the time.

I'm blaming it on myself, obviously - this must have happened while I was packing my things, clearing out my room in Year 1. I lifted all those heavy boxes by myself, and Cheng immediately gave me a hand when she got back. Yes, bloody back pains from lifting heavy things. Now my poor back is injured thanks to the excessive strain. Fortunately I do not need surgery, the doctor merely suggested physiotheraphy. But how am I supposed to sit still knowing something inside me is not right? All the more reasons not to look forward going back to the UK, dragging my luggage around London. My poor lumbar.

So here I am, resting at home on a Saturday. But not that I mind though, the weather lately has been unbearable. I try my best not to use the air-cond but lately I feel like the air around me is burning so I just need to have the air around me cooled. I know now I want to go back to the UK for a better temperature, but I know later on I will want the sun again. But really, I just can't take the heat. It's beyond unbearable. It doesn't help either that I'm thirsty and hungry. I don't want real food, I just want sweet things to munch on.

Speaking of which, I have approximately one more week before my flight back to London =( Definitely not looking forward to that. I'm going to miss the nightlife here, which is something England can never give me. And cheap food, obviously. And I could never get comfortable sleeping in a single bed. There's just no space. I'm gonna miss everything about home. True enough, its just perfect for me. Everything's perfect, except for the weather. Sigh. Global warming global warming. But enough of blog-whining, I'm off to enjoy Saturday tv. They better be showing something worth watching.

and Ramadhan kicks in...

That's right. Before you know it, its that time of the year again. The fasting month. Of course, naturally being one who drinks too much plain water, my body is still struggling being water deprived for almost 13 hours on a daily basis. The recurrent headache therefore forces me to spend most of my fasting hours in bed. But hey, home is where the heart is.

So anyways, I'm glad that this year I'm spending half of Ramadhan here in Malaysia, before I fly off to London on the October 1st. This will be my second year celebrating Raya abroad. Sobs T.T but I survived last year just fine, so this year will be no different.

Since its that time of the day when you're beyond hungry, it is inevitable that you want to buy every single food item on sale in the Food Bazaar. And who can blame you? You're practically spoilt for choices, especially since the bazaar 10 feet away from my house has 200 stalls. Practical? I think so. But here's the real deal after Buka Puasa: You realise you don't have all the space in your stomach to accommodate for all the food you bought earlier on =) Typical. So here I am blogging after my buka puasa, all full and contented. I had my favourite "nasi kaya", and now my sugar level is back on the rise. I'm happy, and that's good.

I have less than 2 weeks before my flight back to London. I haven't packed. I can't be bothered. I'm not looking forward to those long flights, boring transit waits and immigration. I just wish I could orb into my flat in Durham, and unpack my things. Yeah, dream on.

The only productive activity I've done all summer was to meet up with old friends, and that was good fun. As a result, I'm close to being broke =( So, its pretty much staying at home till sept 30.

Who am I kidding? I thought I could update my blog but I'm really not in the mood. I'm off to msn gossip. Later!

My Summer?

Oh dear, I didn't even blog in my own birthday month.

And now, it's creeping into September. But I'm quite excited about the upcoming Ramadhan!!! At least I get to fast more days this year, as compared to last year which was barely 4 days.

So anyways here's the cold hard fact - my summer had been very very unproductive. Although at times it could get annoying, with apathy and sense of nothingness crawling in, but that was pretty much how I intended my summer to be. Care-free and jobless.

Well maybe not so much. I'm going to see an orthopaedic tomorrow, hoping to make my back pain go away. Apparently the previous one told me I could have worn too much heels, thus resulting the back pain. De nada. I've been wearing heels so much less! I don't feel the need to be taller, because I believe I am tall enough, naturally. Besides, according to Azman I 'bounce' to much when I wear heels. Can't help it. As a retired model, I still have the walk. You sad losers can wear a 5-inch heels and still look 'kampung' in them. I wear a simple 3-inch heels and I'm already afraid of the overwhelming attention I get. Superstars are born baby, they're not made. So this is when I clearly say out my favourite quote - You can take the girl out of a 'kampung', but you cannot take the 'kampung' out of her. And my dear friends, this is indeed true and will stand through the test of time.

What's with this sudden self- esteem rush? Quite scary I'd say. So moving on, along the summer I've also rediscovered friendships. As much as I was tempted to physically assault some of my 'girlfriends' (oh yes, you know I can) for performing countless acts of backstabbing and false pretense, I held the urge. You may be a smug bitch, but I'm going to be the bigger person and still be friends to you. Because I'm so noble, and eventually you might be of some use to me after all =) So here's to using you as means to my end.

But anyways, I'm going to get my dinner. More updates coming, sooner than you think.

Pictures

So everyone's asking, where are your pictures? So now I'm saying here they are so shut up and stop asking. Here's from my Italy trip, Rome a.k.a. Roma. Pictures include Trevi Fountain (yes, you kids might recognise it from Lizzie McGuire The Movie), Banca d Italia, and loads more...
Rome, Day 2. Pictures obviously include the famous Colloseum a.k.a Colloseo. Vatican City and Museum as well.

And here we have Venice, Italy. Pictures include the famouse Rialto Bridge and Piazza San Marco, and of course, the magical gondola ride into the Grand Canal.

And this would be Edinburgh, Scotland. I'd choose to live here over London anytime.

Now that the pictures are up, shut up and stop asking for pictures! I'm not uploading anymore until my laziness period has passed!

Back Home Baby!

I am back in Malaysia, (finally, I know!) and I couldn't be anymore glad. Of course my jet lag was such a bitch, this time it took me slightly more than 1 week to recover, but now that I am fully recovered, I'm in Miri visiting my dearest Sayang Azman!!! N I'm going to be here all the way till 18th July. Mel tells me the Prefects' Reunion is soon after, but I don't know if I should go. After all, the point of reunion is to see those familiar faces when in fact, you see little kids whom 5-7 years ago could have never make it as a prefect even. The school must be really desperate, running out of exemplary students. But, none of it would concern me at this point. Plus, I want to enjoy my stay in Miri and keep it worry-free. Because it's also my break from the big busy city back home. It's so peaceful here I swear!! And I'm eating roti John every night! Only because they make the best here! They make other roti Johns look like nothing!

I'm still not sure whether I want to work or not. Of course I need the money, but I'm seriously beyond lazy to work. I'm not all that ready to slave myself for other people, even if the pay is good. My freedom is priceless. My leisure time cannot be substituted with higher pay. It doesn't work that way.

Also, I have loads of pictures to upload. Facebook is a good place to start, but then again I'm too lazy. The summer break made me apathetic. Inactivity IS my activity right now. Furthermore, I don't need to upload pictures everytime after an outing, just to announce to my world out there that my life is just so damn happening, unlike yours. Pictures don't lie, yes, but you'd be amazed at what people do just to take pictures. The more pictures I have, the more people I know, the more happening my life is. Hmmmm... that's definitely not my philosophy. Internet back home is so slow, it takes forever to load any page. Thank God its faster here in Miri- the wi-fi town. Prolly cos its not so congested as compared to Subang. God, I can't even download anything nowadays.

So here I am, blogging on a Sunday afternoon because my boyfriend downstairs won't budge from Astro Channel 78. Gah. What is it with men and wheels? In the end, they still look for women to be satiated, don't they? So obviously we women are the higher pleasures as compared to low pleasures such as cars and hi-tech gadgets.

On another note, I've decided to drop PPE (Philosophy, Politics and Economics), my pride and joy, the ultimate love of my life. NO more. Goodbye Triple Honours. First I dropped Philosophy, leaving me with Joint Honours of Economics and Politics. I know, it makes me sounds very intellectual and powerful. And there's this "wow" effect attached to it. However, they have certain policies I don't see myself abiding by. So, I decided to switch to straight Economics. But of course, I'll still be doing Politics modules. Only not so much. Besides, now I feel more belong, since I belong to one department and one department only. Yours truly, Economics department. Before this I have to admit it kinda sucked having 3 departments to belong to and yet none of them could be bothered to take care of you. I mean, how could they? You don't even know which department you belong to yourself, right? Ah but I'm just so glad that I'm all done with the whole process of endorsements from releasing and receiving departments. I'm born to be an economist baby, and I promise to make the world a better place. In relative terms that is.

So anyways I'm gonna get some dessert. God knows when I'll blog next. Sunday afternoons are meant for relaxation-related activities, and for that I'm allowed to indulge in sinful sweets and any food that gives that orgasmic after-effect. Unlike England, in Malaysia, good food is literally everywhere. And cheaper, too!

Typical Sunday Night In

So it wasn't summer yet in Edinburgh. Like duh, the further up north, the colder it gets. So there I was with a normal spring-like jacket and a tank top heading to Edinburgh. I got down at Waverley Station and shivered immediately. To make myself feel better, I bought myself a hot cup of chocolate, with whipped cream and marshmallows. And added 4 sachets of sugar. obviously. Life is good again.

Cheng, being the Edinburgh addict had her guidebook ready, asking me where to head first. I thought, let's get the Castle over and done with. She agreed, and poor girl, had a hard time stopping me from entering every single souvenir shop. I just can't help it, it's in my blood. After the Castle, we were off to the 10 ten places to visit in Edinburgh, according to the guide book. God bless the fact that everything was within walking distance. The one we left for last, which I also thought was the best, which naturally was the place I spent the most, the Palace of Holyroodhouse. A girl's perfect dream, living in a giant castle, just like a princess. Took too much pictures that by the end of the day, both cameras died out of exhaustion.

So that was pretty much my Edinburgh day trip. Sorry Dash, I didn't call you cos I realised a tad too late that I didn't have your number. Lame, I know but that was the truth =)

So after one week of lots and lots of walking and very little rest, I'm done with travelling for the year (well, excluding my trip home, which is a nightmare I dread. Long flights just make my hair go berserk) I may have gone back home for the Winter, Easter, and now, the Summer break. I may have not travelled half as much as the rest even, but I did my share of travelling after exams and most importantly, I had fun going with friends, and not just tagging along with random friends I don't know all that well. As much as I want to go take a stroll and admire the Eiffel Tower of Paris, skiing in Switzerland, watch operas in Prague, I want to do it all with my Sayang Azman. Then again, when I'm with you, anyplace will do because the other pieces will fall into place by itself. So for the next few days, all the way till my flight home, I'm under my own house arrest. That would do a lot of good for me physically and financially!

This is classic me. When I'm bored, I blab a lot. Blabbing too much that sometimes I make ridiculous spelling errors. My flight back to Malaysia is on the 25th June, Monday morning. 8 days, and counting. Which means I need to start packing, but knowing me- I can't be bothered. Seriously. I could be lying down on the grass in Palace Green, eating ice cream, or simply watching movies in bed, everything else sounds so much better without ever being attached to packing.

But tomorrow afternoon I'm going to watch Pirates of the Carribean 3 with Cheng. Can't wait though! Nobody tells me anything about the movie or I'll break your kneecaps.

Actually right now I'm wondering how many of my friends are already back home. At times I wish I could orb. I don't want to go through the agony of long flights and turbulences. It's all such a nightmare. I want to be home without having to go through all that. These are the times you wish that Malaysia is close to London. Argh. But I might as well enjoy my 10 celcius here before I go back home to 30 celcius.

Right this second - I am craving for Saddlers' chocolate cheescake. I blame Laura for introducing it to me. Really I do. It's so freaking yummy, it makes Secret Recipe's Chocolate Cheese look like nothing. Then again, in Malaysia that's your best bet. Unless your boyfriend is a culinary chef to be *hint* *hint* then he can whip you up something better. If everything else fails, there's always a food fight to engage in ;)

And I also have this desire to watch Phantom of the Opera the musical again! It's so worth every pound! And I'm getting the dvd box set from amazon. But right now I'm going to make hot chocolate for myself and enjoy watching online shows. My typical Sunday night in. I might as well enjoy it before Monday Blues kicks in. So that's all for now!

Summer, are you here yet?

I came back from my Italy trip exhausted and slightly tanned. Too much of margherita pizzas made me bloat. Eating ice cream (gelato in italian!) after lunch whilst touring around Rome and Venice was fun! After spending several nights both in Italy and London, I'm beyond exhausted. I still am, and I'm still sleeping only 6-7 hours a night (I need at least 8). Tomorrow however, is my day trip to Edinburgh. Tired, but looking forward to it.

I finally watched Phantom of the Opera during my last night in London. I pre-booked my ticket because I wanted the best seat, which I did, in the stalls - it was 4 rows away from the stage! I could see every detail, every setting and every prop clearly. Imagine sitting in the upper circle. I paid 53 quid and it was worth every damn pound. I did cry, and so did the others. And truth is, I have every intention to watch it again. Once is just not enough. It's just so freaking addictive. And this won't come out as a surprise to my mom, I bought the Prima Donna t-shirt and the programme booklet. Usually I'd grab the CD as well but I already have the whole soundtrack in my iPod.

It's less than 2 weeks now! I can't wait to go back to Malaysia. So I went back during Easter and Winter, but I still miss home! Although it can get blazing hot and the heat, sickly annoying, I still love home on top of everything else. The weather is usually constant. No fluctuations in temperature. It's not summer today and winter the next day. Because that is what it's like here in Durham. Still freezing. Isn't it summer already? Why is it 12 Celcius still?

Addicted...

I am not ashamed to admit that I am addicted to Subway's White Chocolate Chip and Macadamia Nut Cookie. All this time, I've had it alongside sub-of-the-day and a 500ml bottle of coke for 3 quid. Cool deal, I know. So previously, I limit myself to one cookie per week. All this 'trying to save and be frugal with money' is really driving me insane. So then I started buying just the cookie, which costs 47p, but if I buy 3, it would be only 1.19 quid. So from then on I started buying 3 cookies everyday. I'm just so addicted to it. I can't help it.

I don't care if people say it's gross, whatever. I don't care if it's 10g of fat per cookie, or the fact that it could be half-baked. Well generally I'm a big fan of cookies. Although on the surface I prefer not to be called a cookie-monster.

Now that the exams are over, I'm still in shock. I've been enjoying my free evenings, indubitably, but I wonder how I'm going to survive for the remaining 21 days here. Well in between there's my trip to Italy, Edinburgh and good ol' London. No wonder I'm broke right?

Last night I went to the Combined Honours Party, held in conjunction with the end of exams!!! It was a champagne reception, followed by a bbq dinner on a boat, river cruise and disco on board, and lastly, the Grand Finale, Planet of Sound at the union. It was my night out after so long. And by that, I mean after so, so, so long. I earned my night out. I've returned all 12 library books. I have been studious haha!

I'm going shopping tomorrow and I know it will be therapeutic! Its been 6 weeks since I last went! I have yet to watch Pirates of the Carribean 3 as well, but I've been warned by Leen to wiki the previous 'duology' in order to understand the movie better.

At this point of time, almost everyone is selling of their textbooks. I've had seniors who did their degree without owning any books. But that's not me, I can't live like that. I need to have a book on my own, one that I can highlight those important points, and that I can refer back when I'm revising. With that, it means I assimilate with my books. I can't just sell my books like they never meant anything to me? Besides, its not like I've ever sold any of my books. None. Nada. I may buy second or third hand books from people and pay-less stores, but only to add to my collection. I can never sell any of my books! They're like my babies! No No No. Selling my textbooks are therefore never an option. (Of cos my mom goes behind my back and donate my textbooks to my little cousins- which I don't mind, but I really mind when she gives it away to the newspaper collection man for some spare change!) Besides, its not like I've read every single page of the book and memorise its contents? Although I could use the extra cash. Even then, there's no way I'm selling my 25quid Philosophy Ethics' book for half price or anything less even! Azman says that's the value of second hand books. All the more reasons not to sell.

Magazines are another form of literature I refuse to dispose no matter how old the edition is. It's still money isn't it? My sister knows well enough not to use my magazines for her art project. it will be a nightmare for everyone if she did!

This does not make me weird. Back off. I love collecting books. Except for those books whose pages smell funny they make me want to throw up, all and all I'm a book lover. Yes I am. And I'm proud of it! As much as I'm addicted to Subway's cookies, I'm addicted to my books and magazines as well, if not just as much, more even =)

Let's Accelerate Global Warming!

It's geting to end of May isn't it? One would think it should be at least warm by now. What is wrong with the English weather? So much for global warming. Spring is definitely not in the air. It STILL feels like winter here. It's sunny up north, and south (like duh), but it's still screwed up here. It was literally freezing this morning! Why?

I don't care what people will say, I'm going to help accelerate global warming when I get back home. This is so, that when I come back in Autumn 2007, it should be warm. But one can only hope, don't you think?

So whenever I feel hot, I will switch on the air-cond. I will use it without switching it off. If there are still CFC sprays in my house I will use it. Hairsprays will do good.

It is seriously unfair that it's freaking hot in Malaysia, (its like staying in a furnace) yet global warming seem to not be producing any effects here. What the hell?

Gah, anyways, I had my Ideas and Ideologies Politics paper earlier today. It was raining on my way there, and back. And it takes me 30 minutes to get there. Sat for my paper all wet and cold, and went back in the sad drizzle. Without any umbrella or hoodie head cover. But at least I got the paper done and over with. One more on Thursday afternoon, and the hardest of all, International Relations. I know, it sounds so posh right? But trust me, this is one module you do not want to take up. I've got to get back to foreign policies so I'll blog again after the exams. 2 more days till exam ends. Can't wait!

My Sweet Tooth

If you put 3 teaspoonful of sugar in your hot chocolate, raise your hand.

If you put 4 teaspoons in a small cup of tea, say aye.

If you need to put more sugar to a tea made for you, which by anyone's standard is beyond sweet, stand up .

If you put at least 6 teaspoons of sugar in a mug of tea, then I'll be so glad to know I'm not alone.

I have such a sweet tooth! Sometimes I worry that I'll get diabetes. No, its not like catching a cold I know, but at the rate I'm going, God knows. I need help. I need sugar in almost everything I do. Nobody puts sugar in hot chocolate - I know right?

Whenever anyone makes a drink for me, it's never right. It's always lacking sugar. For me, I will always need to add more and more sugar.

Well I've never actually tried to make the medicine go down by taking a spoonful of sugar, raw, but dear god.

And no, I don't get sugar high, not at all. I just get very pissed if my drink or dessert is not sweet enough. It's not worth it at all. I might as well not eat it. Carpe diem right? Seize the day. If you want to drink that hot chocolate, make sure you'll be satiated in the end.

I've always thought it would be better to die young (so Marilyn Monroe, I know!) and looking gorgeous, rather than old and miserable and ugly. To be fair, if you're the first to go among your friends and family, they will miss you and miss you for a long time. And they wonder why you had to go first when it could have been them. And people would be saying you have to let go and all. (I hope) (Nobody gets to lecture to me about Aristotle's eudaimonia concept - I'm dropping Philosophy!) But is it better to die young looking pretty or die old and lonely and ugly? In my defence, women have a longer lifespan than men, in general. Men's brain also tend to shrink faster than women. I didn't make this up, it's from scientific research I read. Yes, I read a lot! But that's not my point. All this death talk is devastating, but it does make me wonder at times. Most married women with great health are highly likely to end up alone. Somehow the husband will always die first.

But if the wife dies first, then I'm sure, I'll shave my head if I'm wrong, their husbands would gladly remarry. And gladly reproduce. (Excluding Azman of course!) Of course the very few ones become celibates and worship their dead wife by looking at their pictures everyday to keep their memories alive. They surely still exist. Such loyalty, is so rare in this world today. In the brink of extinction, I'd say.

That's besides the point. Considering the fact that it's close to bedtime, I stray away from the topic like its the most natural thing to do. Anyways, I've tried Pal-Sweet or Equal, anything that says 1/8 of the calorie as compared to sugar or whatsoever crap, but it didn't work. It's not as sweet, and it tastes terribly artificial. I need real, granulated sugar. And seriously, how could people drink their tea without sugar at all? I tried, but I can't. Yes Cheng, I admire you for doing it =)

I think I need help. But its ok, I think I drink enough water to detoxify myself. Would that actually help? Hmmmmm....

Damn the exams. If it weren't for the exam season I'd be eating a 10" peperoni pizza and having movie night with my girlfriends. I'm going shopping after my International Relations paper. And no one can stop me.

Monetarist Materialist

Oh dear god.

I've been broke for far too long. It feels like it's been over a year (you think I'm exaggerating but you can't even come close to what I feel) It's been a month since I last waited for my claim and it still hasn't been cleared. Entering week 5 now.

I have lost hope in money itself. I know it can buy me so many pretty things. I know it's my retail theraphy. When I'm depressed, I go shopping. That's the only way to prevent me from snapping at everyone for no reason (oh believe me, I will find a reason). Comfort food doesn't cut it for me anymore. Not that I'm getting fatter. Mind you I've been maintaining my weight and succeeded, despite my massive cheese intake from the salad bar at lunchtime. But that's not the point. The fact is that, I'm in great shape (well maybe not the greatest). I can wear sundresses, even those clingy ones and look fab-you-less (fabulous). But I'm beyond broke. Who needs money when you're fat? It makes you sad cos you used to be a size 2 but hell, not anymore.

I tend to babble a lot. My sayang understands. Anyhoo my main issue here, is that I've been broke for far too long! This does not reflect my inability to manage my finances. Hell I'm an Economics student, what do you expect? I'm not in debt, I haven't used my credit card, I've never used the bank's overdraft facility, cos seriously, who would have thought that I, of all people have learnt to be frugal with money, here? In UK! Trust me everyone back home thought it was a miracle. I used to be able to wipe out my bank balances from a 4-figure to zero! De nada! Not that I'm a rah, or not that I'm daddy's girl. I'm not rich at all. But it doesn't mean I don't know my limits. I do. Right now I'm waiting for my claim which by now I have zero faith of making it to my bank account. Really. Oh, at least I don't make Prada tops look like RM10 pasar malam item. It's just too bad you can't pull it off sweetie. I can be your full-time fashion consultant but if you don't have it, then you just don't! Period.

So earlier today I had my Elements of Economics paper. My first time sitting for a paper totally unprepared, I know, What was I thinking right? But I managed to pull through with my A-Levels knowledge. It will be fine.

Still. This is the umpteenth time of me whining when my money is ever coming???? I'm really getting pissed off. When I'm getting that money, I'm rewarding myself for the neverending patience.

Since I'm dying of boredom, I'm going to make a checklist of desires, and in one month I'll come back and see if I've actually bought any of these things. Because like I said, I'm losing faith in money. How bad do things have to be for someone to lose that much faith right? I know right? Fully. (Oh dear god, do I sound blonde?)

So anyhoo,

1. LG Prada - because I'm posh and I can make it look like a million dollars in my hands
2. Dior Shades - You don't want premature wrinkles, especially when your boyfriend is 18 months younger than you (ok baby, I'll let you get this one cos I know you love me to death)
3. YSL Cigarettes - this I can only get in Doha International Airport. Countdown - 35 days to transit flight back home. Designer cigarettes make smoking the 'in' thing, but seriously my sister is such a good girl to listen to me. Do not smoke. Well to be fair I started when I was 19. And I've quit. (With the exceptional of posh designer ciggies)
4. BCBG Maxazria Sundresses - cos I so need to wear them. They're oh-so-cheap in the States. Laura please take me there! Of course I need a visa first. Gah.
5. Hypnose Lancome - what else can I say?
6. Parker Special Edition fountain pen - so I can engrave AmnieAzman
7. River Island Dark Blue Jeans
8. Babyliss Hairdryer

This is going to sound ironic, but seriously, I'm not high maintenance. Not at all.

And I'm not materialistic. I'm a materialist. I believe in the existence of material things. Wow, I've found a new ideology for myself.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, AmnieAzman - the MONETARIST MATERIALIST.

Omg! What did Philosophy and Economics do to me? But you gotta admit, the Monetarist Materialist sounds better than Berkeley's Immaterialist Idealist.

Everybody should do PPE for their first year degree. It's so fun! What other combinations are cooler than Philosophy, Politics and Economics? I know right?

OMG I have got to stop typing my thoughts out loud.

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary to you my sayang Azman boo boo! AmnieAzman is 17 months old now. Yet it still seems as if we just got to know each other yesterday. Words can't even begin to describe how much I love you. And I always will, till the end of time. You've showed me so much, and taught me so much more, more than I could ever learn on my own. I could never have done it without you. Thank you for always being there when mt spirits rise to the sky, and when I hit rock bottom. Your never ending support has always made me take that one extra step. It was always you I was looking for. It always had been you. I knew the moment we vowed to spend our lives together, I knew for sure, that it was you.

Happy Anniversary. It's such a pity we couldn't be physically together, but deep down we both know that this distance and time difference would only make us stronger. We will come out of this solid as a rock, and stronger than ever, because we both believe in us. And that's all we need. We just need each other to get through this. I will always be there for you, just like how you're always there for me. I promise =)

AmnieAdoraAzman

HeartLoveDesire

19 December 2005

Insomnia is like this, Life is like that

It's 2.30 am and I can't sleep. There's a lot going through my mind. It could be, that at this wee hours of the morning is when sometimes I get the most random thoughts. Inspirational or total crap, it really is a wide range. Truth is, I have insomnia, and it sucks big time. You get restless when you can't sleep. Which is why I would get really ticked off when I'm just about to fall asleep and someone wakes me up.

I'm really missing my Azman Sayang. I just spoke to him 6 hours ago, but I really do miss him. I just saw him last Easter break, just last month, but it seems like it was ages ago. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain. I gave my ultimate respect to my cousin who did it for 6 long years. And now they're married with a baby girl. And she's very much like me. People tend to think, when you're in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR), you tend to let loose. You do not need to know so much of what your partner's doing. Wrong. You just do your own stuffs as long as you don't hurt your partner. Wrong. You set a specific time for all that 7 days in a week for essential communication and abide by it. Wrong. You set out dos and don'ts for each other while you're away and follow them. Wrong. So wrong.

My LDR, is nothing like that. My LDR is special, more special than anyone else's. The distance kills. So does the time difference. Sometimes I always go against the way things are supposed to be, and you, my sayang will always tell me to work with things instead. It's true though, it is so much easier to work with things when you're going with the flow, rather then against it. And you've always been there for me. I can't start listing all the things you've done for me, I really can't. The list would never end, and tears will start trickling down in no time. Yes, call me emo or jiwang, I can get sappy. I'm human. I'm not that cold-hearted bitch who doesn't appreciate her boyfriend and his efforts. I'm not that cheap skank who goes around getting physical with other guys when I can only do it with you baby, and so much more comfortably. I'm not that sadist who goes out drinking and clubbing drowning my sorrows away when we fight. I am me, and that's the person you fell in love with. I'm conventional in many ways and you know that. I love you more than words can say.

Right now its creeping to 3 am. God, time really is passing slowly. I have my Philosophy notes staring at me, but my brain is too exhausted to work. Yet somehow there's this urge to blog. In my background I have my iPod on speakers, on a very considerable volume, playing songs from my 90's playlist. Oh how I miss good music.

Which brings me to something else that's even more random. The only 3 things I like about the Brits:

1. Muse
2. English muffins
3. British spelling (I prefer colour to color)

So this is the part where my random thoughts come out.

• My first paper starts on Monday. Not going to whine about anything on that area.
• Lake District is intriguing. I must see what the fuss is all about.
• I have this weird desire to go to Prague, but get this, only because it sounds so Vogue.
• Philosophy is an amazing subject to learn, but impossible to score.
• I have such a sweet tooth and I can't stop eating all sorts of sweets. But I really don't want to be diabetic.
• My dining hall's first dessert was strawberries and cream. I wonder why they stopped serving it.
• If the whites feel so superior about themselves, then why work so hard to get a tan? To change who you really are?
• Cheese does not have any place in the music industry today.
• I'm 1/16th British. Haha it is true. But I was never really proud of it. I don't see what the big deal is about.
• My so called 'American accent' is making the Brits turn their heads when they hear me talk.
• Which by the way, my American friend can verify that my accent is not American
• The Brits think that, if you're not speaking their English accent, then it must be the American accent. Or you're a Chinese trying hard to speak English
• I'm not kidding, this is really what most of them think
• And they think Malaysia is in Middle East
• Generally, I'm feeling really restless cos I haven't been shopping/spending for a long long time.
• And the next 3 weeks won't make things better.
• I miss eating my meals in KTJ's dining hall, when I sit facing baby Azman boo boo and watch him cut my lamb or steak for me
• The girls here are so jealous of my natural tan
• I'll tell you why, its cos I'm a Malay.
• More precisely, I'm actually Malay-Chinese-Siamese-Javanese-British.
• I love speaking Spanish to Yan Azman
• But he loves telling me he loves me in Dutch
• Everybody has their buttons. Find it and push it. Score.
• Hollywood is a big fat lie. The Hollywood movies are your typical fantasies. They will NEVER happen in real life.
• I have this weird desire to wear a white cotton baju kurung
• I miss seeing Azman waiting for me in the common room waiting for me after classes.
• I miss our study sessions baby
• Pancakes of Love.
• Designers seem to be inspired by pregnant women, and wait for it, the garbage bins. What's with all the silly clothes in the so called new line of thrashy clothes?
• My College Execs are so up their own asses. They think they're all that, but it's only cos we voted for them. Becos the last time everyone checked, they were ass-kissers. Normal right?
• I haven't gotten the chance to wear my sundresses.
• I'm wondering where the sun is.
• It still feels like winter
• English weather is crap
• I still like Britney Spears' music over any other sort.
• I'm not a rock chick, I'm a pop princess.
• I wonder what it'll be like to get your lips done. Is it the same silicone for the chest area?
• I may need a nose job. I blame it on my dad.
• Musical Lover I am. Phantom of the Opera, after my exams.

I should try and get back to sleep. But baby I miss you so much! =(

Apologies for any spelling/typo errors. It;s 3.27 am!

Things I Enjoy

This is very typical of me. As the exams get closer, I get lazier. God it's only next week! I don't even have the strength to sit at my table and study anymore because I simply don't want to. Last night, I went to watch Spiderman 3 with Aimee at our very own local Gala Theatre, Durham. Costed me only 3.25 quid. Not bad right? To be honest I expected better, but not that the show was all bad. It was too catchy, especially the part where Spiderman was running to save the world and accompanying him in the background, the American flag. And of course, Tobey Macguire gained some weight, so now you have the chubby Spiderman.

That should have been a good de-stress session right? But no, I tried studying after the movie, and ended up watching Desperate Housewives. Procrastination has become too much a part of me, I don't know what to do anymore. I just finished watching the latest show of Heroes with their typical cliffhanger ending.

Apart from wasting time watching online shows, I try to find myself better things to do, which would supposedly, make me a better person, perhaps? Maybe later. Right now, since I'm so bored, I'll just make a list of things I enjoy. In random order.

1. Talking to my darling Azman on the phone all day long
2. Included are msn and skype as well
3. Dinners when they served salmon
4. Watching my friends getting fat and ballooning up
5. Giving random miss calls to my sayang Azman
6. The whites who dress terribly, worse than any Malaysian ah-lians and ah-bengs, and rempits even
7. Wasting time with my laptop
8. Marks and Spencer chocolate teacakes
9. reading Eve, May edition
10. Checking my bank's online balance, hoping that one day Petronas will bank in my money
11. Randomly playing sentimental songs
12. Lunch and tuna salad
13. Rearranging things on my study table
14. Castle Great Hall's Formal
15. Not exercising, and not ballooning up at the same time (regardless the amount of my cheese intake at every meal time)
16. Laughing at snobs who think they're all that (at least my skin is freckle-free, and no, freckles do not make you look cuter)
17. Secretly condeming Asians conversing in that obvious indubitable fake British accent
18. Picking up the flaws of the Brits who discriminate against me and rub it in their faces. Hard.
19. Looking at idiots spend in Jack Wills
20. Blasting my funky speakers out loud together with my iPod. iLoveit!

And the ultimate one which I know I will enjoy is this; When I rub it really hard in the faces of the people who never thought Azman and I could ever make it. Not even for a month. It's been 16 months now and we're still standing strong as ever. Despite the long distance the passion never runs out.

So for the moment, it doesn't take a genius to see that I'm really really out of my mind bored. I wanna talk to Azman but he's catching up on his sleep. I really do miss him.

And one thing that I've observed, is the fact that I am still not free.

Not free to the extent that in order to get the highest grade for your degree, it all goes back to being smart when it comes to choosing your modules. Pick the posh, prestigious modules, and you'll end up suffering, cracking your brains trying to score, even if it's your most favourite module in the whole world. But pick a module where you have the advantage of some background knowledge, and score!

This isn't a very mesmerizing blog entry, I know. Prolly too controversial and too tilted towards the nonsense section. It's one thing to want to blog out your thoughts, and it's another when people attack your stand by provoking you. Know this, it is amazingly easy to critique. Try writing a controversial issue and see how you fend for yourself when the critics come pouncing on you. It ain't easy.

For all that's worth, I shall stop now. It's time I get back to reading Nietzsche's works. Definitely one of the things I do not enjoy.